{"id":5685,"date":"2025-09-19T14:18:00","date_gmt":"2025-09-19T14:18:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.montessoriwithmsl.com\/without-yelling-and-punishment-positive-discipline-practices-2\/"},"modified":"2025-11-10T14:23:56","modified_gmt":"2025-11-10T14:23:56","slug":"without-yelling-and-punishment-positive-discipline-practices-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.montessoriwithmsl.com\/en\/without-yelling-and-punishment-positive-discipline-practices-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Children\u2019s Tantrums: Root Causes by Age 1\u20136 and How to Prevent Them"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>The Montessori teacher&#8217;s view  <\/em><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\ud83e\udde0\u00a0<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tantrums aren\u2019t \u201cmisbehavior\u201d\u2014they\u2019re a signal that a child\u2019s self-regulation system is overloaded. <\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\ud83c\udf3c\u00a0<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What a Tantrum Is (Developmentally)<br\/> \u2022 Emotional \u201cemergency exit.\u201d When core needs (sleep, hunger, connection, autonomy\/control, sensory comfort, predictability) aren\u2019t met, the brain \u201cswitches off\u201d the rational part and the body discharges through tears\/shouts\/throwing.<br\/> \u2022 Immature self-regulation. The prefrontal cortex is still developing; children 1\u20136 need co-regulation from a calm adult.<br\/> \u2022 A needs-message. \u201cIt\u2019s too much \/ I don\u2019t feel safe \/ I\u2019ve lost control\u201d is the real meaning behind most meltdowns.  <\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\ud83c\udf31 <strong>What a Tantrum Is (Developmentally)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 \u0415\u043c\u043e\u0446\u0456\u0439\u043d\u0438\u0439 \u00ab\u043f\u043e\u0436\u0435\u0436\u043d\u0438\u0439 \u0432\u0438\u0445\u0456\u0434\u00bb: \u043a\u043e\u043b\u0438 \u043f\u043e\u0442\u0440\u0435\u0431\u0438 (\u0441\u043e\u043d, \u0433\u043e\u043b\u043e\u0434, \u043a\u043e\u043d\u0442\u0430\u043a\u0442, \u043a\u043e\u043d\u0442\u0440\u043e\u043b\u044c\/\u0430\u0432\u0442\u043e\u043d\u043e\u043c\u0456\u044f, \u0441\u0435\u043d\u0441\u043e\u0440\u043d\u0438\u0439 \u043a\u043e\u043c\u0444\u043e\u0440\u0442, \u043f\u0435\u0440\u0435\u0434\u0431\u0430\u0447\u0443\u0432\u0430\u043d\u0456\u0441\u0442\u044c) \u043d\u0435 \u0437\u0430\u0434\u043e\u0432\u043e\u043b\u0435\u043d\u0456, \u043c\u043e\u0437\u043e\u043a \u00ab\u0432\u0438\u043c\u0438\u043a\u0430\u0454\u00bb \u0440\u0430\u0446\u0456\u043e\u043d\u0430\u043b\u044c\u043d\u0443 \u0447\u0430\u0441\u0442\u0438\u043d\u0443, \u0430 \u0442\u0456\u043b\u043e \u0440\u0435\u0430\u0433\u0443\u0454 \u0441\u043b\u044c\u043e\u0437\u0430\u043c\u0438\/\u043a\u0440\u0438\u043a\u043e\u043c\/\u043a\u0438\u0434\u0430\u043d\u043d\u044f\u043c.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Immature self-regulation. The prefrontal cortex is still developing; children 1\u20136 need co-regulation from a calm adult.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 \u041f\u043e\u0432\u0456\u0434\u043e\u043c\u043b\u0435\u043d\u043d\u044f \u043f\u043e\u0442\u0440\u0435\u0431\u0438: \u00ab\u041c\u0435\u043d\u0456 \u0437\u0430\u0431\u0430\u0433\u0430\u0442\u043e \/ \u043c\u0435\u043d\u0456 \u043d\u0435\u0431\u0435\u0437\u043f\u0435\u0447\u043d\u043e \/ \u044f \u0432\u0442\u0440\u0430\u0442\u0438\u0432 \u043a\u043e\u043d\u0442\u0440\u043e\u043b\u044c\u00bb \u2014 \u043e\u0441\u044c \u0441\u043f\u0440\u0430\u0432\u0436\u043d\u0456\u0439 \u0437\u043c\u0456\u0441\u0442 \u0431\u0456\u043b\u044c\u0448\u043e\u0441\u0442\u0456 \u0456\u0441\u0442\u0435\u0440\u0438\u043a.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\ud83d\udd0e Causes by Age: What \u201cbreaks\u201d and why<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>1-2 years: &#8220;I want to, but I can&#8217;t yet&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<br\/>\u2022 Big leap in motor autonomy (walking) with a tiny vocabulary.<br\/><br\/><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Sensory overload (noise, crowds, bright spaces).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Sleep\/hunger are major triggers.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Changing the diaper, putting the child in the car seat, &#8220;taking the item away&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What helps (Montessori + Positive Parenting)<br\/> \u2022 Prepare the environment: low hooks, baskets, simple step-by-step sequences.<br\/> \u2022 Offer binary choices: \u201cRed or blue pants?\u201d \u201cYou or with my help?\u201d<br\/> \u2022 Name feelings in short phrases: \u201cYou\u2019re angry. This is hard. I\u2019m here.\u201d<br\/> \u2022 Transition rituals: a little song\/rhyme for dressing; a 2-minute heads-up.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Prepare the environment: low hooks, baskets, simple step-by-step sequences.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Offer binary choices: \u201cRed or blue pants?\u201d \u201cYou or with my help?\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Name feelings in short phrases: \u201cYou\u2019re angry. This is hard. I\u2019m here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Transition rituals: a little song\/rhyme for dressing; a 2-minute heads-up.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>2\u20133 years: \u201cNo!\u201d as the building of \u201cMe\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; The peak of negativism is a normal stage of separation.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; An explosion of language, but still a low tolerance for frustration.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; The need for control and predictability.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; &#8220;I don&#8217;t want to go\/eat\/put on shoes&#8221;, &#8220;I want to be alone right now&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What to do.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Visual morning\/evening schedule (pictograms).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Consistent boundaries with warmth: &#8220;I see you don&#8217;t want to. I will not allow you to quit. I will help you.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 \u201cWhen\u2026 then\u2026\u201d instead of \u201cno\u201d: \u201cWhen we\u2019re dressed, then we\u2019ll go to the playground.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Practical Life (Montessori): pour water, wipe a spill\u2014channels autonomy \u2192 fewer power struggles.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>3\u20134 years: \u201cBig feelings in a small body\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<br\/> \u2022 Imagination grows \u2192 fears\/protests about imagined threats.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 New social roles (preschool rules, \u201cme and friends\u201d).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Strong need for movement; when blocked, tension rises.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<br\/> \u2022 Toy conflicts, losing games, ending play to \u201cgo home now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What to do.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Emotional vocabulary: &#8220;angry \/ upset \/ disappointed \/ want more&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Delay-of-gratification games (sand timer).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Montessori \u201ccalm corner\u201d: small rug, soft blanket, sand timer, feelings book.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Move before hard transitions: 5 quick jumps\/squats \u2192 easier exit.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>4\u20135 years: \u201cRules, fairness, and my competence\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<br\/> \u2022 Better grasp of rules \u2192 outrage at \u201cunfairness.\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Need to feel competent and recognized.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 First internal comparisons with other children.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<br\/> \u2022 \u201cShe has two and I have one,\u201d \u201cWhy is my piece smaller?\u201d \u201cYou broke the rule!\u201d<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What to do.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What helps<br\/> \u2022 Clear family rules (3\u20135 short, visible).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Joint agreements and consequences agreed upon in advance (without penalties): &#8220;When&#8230; then&#8230;&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2022 Montessori tasks with sequences &amp; responsibility: set the table for everyone.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Recognizing efforts, not just results: &#8220;You have carefully placed the knives &#8211; this is a concern for everyone.&#8221;<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>5-6 years old: &#8220;I can control myself &#8211; help me to tune in&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Key drivers<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Executive functions (attention, planning) are growing, but they are still fragile.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Social motivation and feelings of shame\/guilt increase.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; External demands are often imposed (classes, clubs, school on the horizon).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Typical situations<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; An overloaded schedule, expectations to be great, shame after a failure.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">What to do.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Teach self-monitoring: &#8220;Let&#8217;s check: is the body tired? hungry? in need of movement?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; The child draws\/marks the day&#8217;s plan (checklist with icons).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; &#8220;Cooling strategies&#8221; to choose from: 10 breaths, &#8220;blow out a candle,&#8221; 1 minute of watching a sand timer.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; Reflection afterwards: &#8220;What helped? What should we try next time?&#8221;<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>\ud83e\udde9 How to identify and bypass triggers<\/strong><\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Categories of triggers:<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\udd50 Time (morning without breakfast, evening after clubs).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83c\udf7d\ufe0f Physiology (sleep, hunger, thirst, body temperature, illness).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\udd0a Sensory (noise, light, clothes, smells).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\udd01 Transitions (interrupting the game, leaving the house, a new place).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83e\udd1d Society (conflict, queue, losing, adult attention).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83c\udf9b Control (no choice, too many prohibitions, injustice).<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Instead of a knee-jerk reaction to a tantrum, which is usually a negative reaction, we analyze what happens before the tantrum.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Record triggers:<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\udd50 time of day,<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83c\udf7d\ufe0f the child&#8217;s condition (fatigue, hunger),<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\ude97 situation (rush, new place),<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">&#8211; \ud83d\udcac words that provoke resistance.<\/p>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This way, you will learn to see patterns and prevent a crisis before it starts.<\/p>\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Hysteria is not an enemy. It is a request for help that sounds loud. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When we do not punish, but understand, when we create a calm environment and clear boundaries, the child learns to control his or her emotions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Montessori teacher&#8217;s view \ud83e\udde0\u00a0 Tantrums aren\u2019t \u201cmisbehavior\u201d\u2014they\u2019re a signal that a child\u2019s self-regulation system is overloaded. \ud83c\udf3c\u00a0 What a&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5580,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[66],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5685","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-montessori"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Children\u2019s Tantrums: Root Causes by Age 1\u20136 and How to Prevent Them | Montessori with Ms.L<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Montessori with Ms.L\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" 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